Hike to the secret beach


Hawaii guidebook writers seem to have a penchant for enticing the reader to a spot so pristine, so secluded, that no one else could possibly know about it. “Imagine yourself slipping into your own private, secluded swimming hole,” or “here’s a beach so secret, so hard to find, that even native Hawaiians don’t know about it.” Or, at least they didn’t, until they read this book along with thousands of others. Best Husband and I are not so naïve that we’d fall for this hyperbole, yet, wanting a little adventure, we allowed ourselves to be seduced down the path to the so-called Secret Beach.

The first rule in following the path to anything labeled “secret” is that the journey must be somewhat difficult. If any ordinary traveler could just fall out of their car and stroll to said secret location, there would be nothing special about it, and said location would remain unworthy of the title “secret.” The guidebook’s directions to the secret beach almost seemed too simple for something so obscure, so special. “…turn right off the first Kalihiwai Road, then right on the first dirt road you encounter.” We had already had enough experience with Hawaii’s carefree signage to have just a bit of trouble with this part. Then, we had to interpret the Hawaiian definition of “road.” We’d already discovered that what we might call a path or two-track at home, might actually be considered a road here. Finally after managing this part, we had to tackle the issue of parking. Seems that everyone else who read our guidebook had also showed up that day, and parking was limited on the dirt track.

Next, the directions said: “…take the 10 minute path to the bottom. It’s slippery when wet.” It had rained a bit earlier that day, so we were forewarned.

And so we began. We spent the next 20 minutes or so on a steep vertical wall of red mud, slipping and grabbing on to branches and each other to stop our untimely slide all the way to the bottom. Fortunately, there were plenty of roots and large rocks embedded into the mud to stop us from sliding to our deaths.

At the end of Mudslide Trail, which we later dubbed it, the view was worth it. A long beautiful, sandy beach and surf surging up onto huge black rocks along the shore. Unfortunately, with the surf so rough we were unable to take the second trail along the rocks to the Secret Lava Pools – a trip we’ll save for next time.

© Huffygirl 2014

TSA toothpaste: Now with extra whitening


john_s_pistoleJohn Pistole, administrator of the TSA, today announced a new venture for the Transportation Security Administration. “Up until today, the TSA has been vilified as a harsh, punitive body, known for limiting traveler’s rights, restricting items that may be brought onto planes, and for taking items away from travelers that might cause a safety concern. In recent days, this perception has become heightened, after concerns that terrorists might use toothpaste tubes to bring explosives onto planes, causing TSA agents to confiscate hundreds of tiny tubes of Crest and Colgate from angry travelers. But today, that will change. Today, the TSA becomes a giver to all travelers, with our new Toothpaste Reform Advantage Program (TRAP). Under TRAP, TSA agents will provide every airline passenger who passes through inspection without incident, with a free, travel- size tube of TSA Toothpaste.” Pistole further adds that travelers will be able to choose between regular and extra-whitening.

“My hope from now on is that travelers will see  TSA agents, not as restrictive punishers but as jolly givers, more Santa than Ayatollah. This new program will not only assist agents in keeping our airways safe, but give passengers a fresh clean smile.”

Pistole further  explained that TSA toothpaste meets all standards for the TSA, as well as the American Dental Association.

© Huffygirl 2014

A wild and crazy guide to Superbowl XLIIMCIV


super-bowl-2014

Okay, maybe that’s not the right Roman numeral for this Superbowl, but I’m sure it’s close. Here’s some easy definitions to help even the most football-naive to unravel this Sunday’s game.

football: a game using an oblong ball, in which the foot is seldom used to propel the ball forward.

Superbowl: a football game accompanied by excessive falderal, hype, and excitement, added on after football season is done so teams can earn extra cash and fans have an excuse to sit around and waste time on one additional Sunday

fans: people who enjoy watching commercials, drinking beer and eating traditional Superbowl foods while some sort of game plays out on the screen

opponents: the two teams selected to play in this annual spectacle of excess; in this case it’s the Denver Broncos versus the Seattle Seahawks

Bronco: a fiery, wild, untamed steed of the west, or the name of a Denver football team

Seahawk: a a novel by Rafael Sabatini, originally published in 1915, about a retired  Cornish seafaring gentleman, who is villainously betrayed by a jealous half-brother, or a less-impressive name for an osprey. And it’s a football team too.

commentators: beefy former football players and scrawny coaches who wear expensive suits and sit behind a desk blathering on about the game.

coach: the name used to address anyone who has ever coached a football team. Coach replaces the person’s first name, even when they are no longer coaching, so that everyone who speaks to them, including their wives,  addresses them as Coach, so much so that the coach and everyone else forgets what his actual first name is. This can be confusing if there is more than one coach around, so most commentator teams have only one former coach.

half-time: the intermission half way through the game when aging rockers perform songs with unintelligible lyrics while fireworks shoot off around them; and the time when fans use the bathroom and go out for more beer.

Peyton Manning: a southern gentleman named after what was once considered a racy novel, but would now a days leave nobody batting an eye, and the quarterback of the Denver Broncos.

Russel Wilson: the quarterback of the Seattle Seahawks, whom I clearly know nothing about.

football jargon: the real and made-up words used by football commentators when they obviously have nothing to say, but need to fill the million-dollar air time supported by their sponsors. Be sure to count how many times the commentators  say “physicality” or “power football” to help pass the time while you’re watching the game.

Velveeta: a cheese-like food considered by many to be a crucial part of any Superbowl day meal. Good luck finding some.

picks: the scores that fans predict for the winning team. My pick? Denver by 14.

New Jersey: a state populated by gangsters and Kardashians, and the site of this year’s Superbowl game. Why play a game in lovely California or Arizona when you could play in the blustery winter weather of Jersey, favored as the site of the next winter Olympics?

cannabis: a recreational drug legal in both Colorado and Washington state, coincidentally the homes of the two Superbowl competitors. Hmmm.

post-game show: the football hype that continues after the game where players wear Superbowl XLIIMCIV ball caps and douse each other with champagne and Gatorade. A fun time for everyone to be sure.

Be sure to print out this handy guide so you can impress your friends with your football knowledge while you watch this year’s game.

© Huffygirl 2014

Local blogger a person of interest in Velveeta shortage


Kraft confirms Velveeta shortage

A spokesperson for Kraft Foods has confirmed they are investigating a person of interest in the recent Velveeta shortage, dubbed “cheesepocalypse.” Says Kraft “Huffygirl, of Huffygirl’s Blog, is a known opponent of cheese in the American diet. Ms. Huffy actually states on her blog page that she is “…waging a one-woman war against cheese. It seems odd that we would develop manufacturing issues in our most popular cheese line, Velveeta, just before the Superbowl, the biggest cheese consumption day of the year.”

Although Huffygirl could not be reached for comment, she issued a statement via her blog. “While I’m flattered that Kraft Foods thinks I am powerful enough to influence their manufacturing process, I confess that I had nothing to do with the so-called cheesepocalypse. Although  I am opposed to the over-consumption of cheese and it’s counterparts, such as manufactured cheese-like food, as is the case with Velveeta, I would in no way attempt to thwart those engaged in the cheese-food industry.” Huffygirl goes on to say “I encourage Americans to take this cheese-food shortage as an opportunity to improve their health by reducing or eliminating their consumption of cheese and cheese-like foods.”

© Huffygirl 2014

Related link:

Marsupial invasion


I found this critter stopping by to help himself to a peanut butter-bird seed mix I had put out for the birds. I don’t like to encourage wild animals to get that cozy in our yard, so I won’t be putting out peanut butter again. In the meantime, he had a great meal and wasn’t just playing possum.

IMG_4353,  http://huffygirl.wordpress.com, © Huffygirl 2014© Huffygirl 2014

Snow day 2014


Three days of record cold temperature, deep fluffy snow and blustery winds earned me a snow day. With temperatures at -14 degrees Fahrenheit, I didn’t want to venture out farther than my own back yard to get a few snowy photos. The backyard birds, in a frenzy to get food to help them stay warm against the bitter cold, proved to be engaging subjects. Best husband, home after knee surgery,  snapped the Dark-eyed Junco when I left for the gym, with instructions to “get photos of birds eating on the ledge.” Great shot BH!

© Huffygirl 2014

Related posts: