Lego Group makes bid on border wall


In a press conference today in Billund, Denmark, Lego Group spokesperson Sven Jensen announced the Lego Group’s plans to bid on the United States border wall with Mexico. Although some details of the bid remain confidential, Jensen shared that the wall would be made of life-sized Lego Bricks, constructed of a proprietary Kevlar-type material. “Our wall will be strong, but flexible. The interlocking brick  construction  allows for flexibility in adapting to the varying terrain along the border” said Jensen, “along with incredible speed of construction. Since our bricks snap together with such ease, we can use unskilled labor to build the wall, allowing us to save money on construction costs.”

Although some at the press conference questioned the Lego Group’s ability to produce a wall of such scope, Jensen scoffed at the objections. “We’ve been making children happy now with creative and imaginative use of our Lego Bricks since 1932, so why wouldn’t we be able to please the biggest, baddest child of all? ”

© Huffygirl 2017

 

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Canada adds new province


CanadianMapleLeaf

 

Canadian prime minister Justin Trudeau announced today it has acquired enough land to add a new Canadian province in Israel. “Our new province is a positive move for both Canadians, Israelis and  Palestinians. Canada is a country originally formed by peoples of many nations, including Aboriginal people and those from many European nations.  Our hope is that the unity that all Canadians feel will spill over into the new province, uniting Canadians and all people currently living in Israel.”

While details are still evolving, Trudeau believes that all residents will eventually gain dual citizenship of Canada and Israel, while maintaining any citizenship they currently hold from disputed Israeli lands. “This will allow all citizens of the new province to move about freely, dispensing the need for Israeli work permits, which is always a hot button issue in Israel.

The addition of the new province, named Nova Canuck, brings the number of Canadian provinces to 11. While most Canadians are ecstatic about the addition of the new land, some remain skeptical. Disputers argue that Trudeau, who makes his love of the Israeli product SodaStream no secret, has acquired Israeli land to keep his beloved soda flowing. While Trudeau denies this, both Canadian and Israeli Twitter are blowing up over the hashtag #SodastreamsoTrudeau.

© Huffygirl 2016

 

Just in time for Easter, now there’s Chocnix


English: A milk chocolate Easter Bunny.

Worried about that chocolate addiction of yours? And with the Easter Bunny just here, showering you with chocolate bunnies, eggs and the like, aren’t you wishing there was a way you could come clean and rid yourself once and for all of that chocolate addiction? Well, now you can. Now, there’s Chocnix®.

Chocnix® is a prescription medication designed to free the user from chocolate addiction. Chocnix works by blocking the pleasurable and addictive effects of chocolate. After only one week of use, Chocnix® users will find eating chocolate less pleasant. Eventually, chocolate eaters will receive less and less positive reinforcement from the ingestion of chocolate, causing the user to eventually stop eating chocolate. By 12 weeks of Chocnix® use, most users find they are able to completely abstain from chocolate eating. After an additional 12 weeks of use, most patients find they will never desire to eat chocolate again.

Chocnix® is not for everyone. Users may experience rage, anger, chocolate envy and psychosis. Don’t use Chocnix® if you suffer from extreme chocolate addition, evidenced by waking up the day after Easter with your head in an Easter basket, surrounded by foil wrappers. Ask your doctor if Chocnix® is right for you.

© Huffygirl 2013

US takes advantage of Canada’s cost saving move


Coins of the Canadian dollar

Coins of the Canadian dollar (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

On the heels of Canada’s announcement of phasing out the penny from circulation, US Secretary of the Treasury, Timothy  Geithner, announced a new program to boost the economy, and save taxpayers millions of dollars over the next few years. Today, in a surprise press conference, Geithner announced that the US Treasury will adopt the Canadian penny, and cease production of the current Lincoln cent. Geithner explained: ” While Canada has been producing their penny at a cost of for 1.6 cents, production of the US cent runs 2.6 cents. By stopping production of our own pennies, and buying up the Canadian reserves, US taxpayers will see a savings of one cent per penny, which, ironically, is exactly what our penny is worth.”

In a special arrangement between the US and Canadian Treasury Departments, the US will buy pennies from Canada, at 1.6 cents each, and gradually phase the Canadian cent into US circulation. During the phase-in period, expected to last about six months, both the Lincoln cent and the Canadian cent will be considered legal tender. At the end of the phase in period, only Canadian pennies will be accepted as US tender. At that time, Geithner predicts an even further boost to our economy, as coin collectors and speculators will hoard the Lincoln cents, then buy and sell the defunct coin on eBay, Craig’s List, and at coin shows throughout the country. “This will be even bigger than the Susan B. Anthony dollar,” predicts Geithner. “The demise of the Lincoln penny may just be the answer to bringing the country out of recession and turning the economy around.”

While some question the validity of adopting another country’s currency as our own, Geithner refutes this point. “Americans are used to outsourcing. We have India running our call centers, China producing our iPhones and Japan making our TVs. Why not have Canada produce our pennies?”

© Huffygirl April 1, 2012

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Angry bloggers storm WordPress headquarters


WordPress Headquarters, in Redwood City, CA, was the site of an angry mob scene that escalated into violence on Friday, April 1, 2011. Over 400,000 people, some carrying clubs and knives, stormed the building en mass. The crowd surrounded the building, blocked the exits, then swarmed inside, easily overwhelming Chuck the security guard and his dog Buffy at the entrance. Before police could arrive, the crowd had  smashed computers, spilled soy lattes out onto the floor, pulled smart phones from the fists of WordPress staffers, and carried off Matt Mullenweg, CEO of WordPress and Buffy, both of whom remain missing.  By the time police had arrived, the crowd had dispersed, leaving behind WordPress “happiness engineers” cowering under their desks, whimpering and clutching their useless iPhones. 

After questioning the surviving WordPress workers, police investigator Owen Hardiman briefed reporters on the situation. “It seems that an April Fool’s Day

CEO Matt Mullenweg

prank, perpetrated by WordPress staffers, enraged the users and caused the riot.” Tech savvy WP bloggers posted messages on their blogs on Friday to organize a flash mob, after discovering that WP had exaggerated their blog stats, in what was intended to be a humorous April Fool’s Day prank. WordPress statistics engineer Andy Skelton explained. “On Friday April 1, we changed our WP statistics software to display erroneous results. For instance, if a blogger had 40 views on his/her blog that day, the stats bar graph displayed 400 views. We meant it as  harmless prank, but unfortunately we underestimated how much our bloggers love their stats. It seems that they don’t take kindly to anyone messing with their blog view numbers. Hindsight is 20/20 or course, and we wish we had realized this earlier.”

The crime remains under investigation, but police fear the perpetrators may never be found. “Unfortunately, most of these bloggers use code names like Huffygirl, AM333Fantasyfic,  and Coming east, so it’s difficult to discover their true identities,” reports Chief Hardiman.

Meanwhile, WordPress blogs remain operative, as the WP servers continue to operate at an undisclosed location. “We’re doing everything we can to keep our 400,000+ bloggers happy at this point.” reports Skelton. We wouldn’t want a repeat of the April Fool’s Day massacre.

(Touche’ WP. Happy April Fool’s Day)

© Huffygirl 2011