Would you like a massage with your sushi?

Octopus vulgaris

Image via Wikipedia

Okay, so I don’t like sushi. All right, I’ve said it. I know I’ve now opened myself up to a   rousing round of flack from sushi lovers everywhere about the virtues of sushi, the health benefits of eating fish, and what’s wrong with me that I don’t like sushi. I’m ready for the onslaught.

But I don’t like it. First, sushi is mostly fish. Raw fish. I don’t like fish. It’s either fishy or bland. And I’m of the school of thought that any food that is worth eating should be tasty without undergoing extensive manipulation and alteration. I can slap a piece of chicken on the grill, and it’s delicious as is. I don’t have to batter it, fry it, chop it up, mix it with other things, slather it in butter, or massage it.

That’s right, I said massage it. I heard a disturbing report on the news today of an acclaimed, expensive sushi experience. In the process of describing the superiority of the sushi at this restaurant compared to others, the documentarian described what makes this sushi special: the octopi receives extensive massaging before serving. Turns out most sushi restaurants just don’t massage their octopi enough. “Tragically undermassaged” it seems. I’m as shocked to hear this as you are, but really, it’s true. At least an hour of massaging is about right , and anything less is just inferior and lazy.

And the price of this well-massaged sushi meal? About $300. All I can say is, if I’m shelling out $300 for a meal, it better be food that’s cooked, and I better be the one getting the pre-meal massage!

Related link: Cameras follow world’s greatest sushi chef (npr.org)

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