Road Trip


On a recent road trip I had the misfortune of having to drive through a large portion of Ohio. Ohio, the boring state. State motto: We’re bored and we want you to be too. Ohio starts right out by sticking it to you on the highway. There’s a big, flat highway with nothing else around, hardly any traffic, and the speed limit is 65. Yup. Ohioans feel that if they have to live here, they’re going to make anyone passing through feel like they live here too. Why hurry anyway? It’s not like there’s anything else to see farther along on your trip. Just massive expanses of flat boring land. The most beautiful thing I saw in the entire state was a wind farm. Surprisingly picturesque, it stretched out for miles across the otherwise dreary farmland, windmill blades as big as semis twirling in the wind.

But, I digress. Though geographically a boring state, Ohioans have done their best to make their state more interesting. First, by giving their cities and towns interesting names. Uniopololis. West Milton (no doubt populated by stapler-bearing nerds.) Wapakoneta. Lima. Van Wert. Delphos. Ottoville. Dayton (just one letter shy of being Daytona. How different it might have been, had they added that “a.”)

Ohioans know that their state is not all that fun. No enticing sandy beaches, except for that little part along Lake Erie in Cleveland, which doesn’t really count. No mountains, except near the bottom, when you’re almost ready to leave. So Ohioans made a reason for people to come: Ohio is the museum state. There is a museum to just about anything in Ohio. The Neil Armstrong museums. The Pro Football Hall of Fame. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Wright-Patterson Air force Base. The Christmas Story House. Yes, a museum dedicated to the movie “A Christmas Story.” The Bicycle Museum of America. Hey, that’s one I should probably go to. Butch’s Cola Museum. The Museum of Postal History. Dr. Bob’s Home. The list is endless. Who wouldn’t want to go to Ohio now?

Besides, Ohio is not all flat roads and odd museums. Finally, when you think you can’t stand it anymore, there’s Cincinnati. Nestled between hills in a scenic valley, old row houses undergoing gentrification speckle the hillsides. Skyscrapers juxtaposed with old brick storefronts. So many factories billowing white puffs from their smokestacks that you’d think we had a new pope.

So, give Ohio a chance. After all, you have to drive back through it to get home anyway. Let’s put the “OH” back in Ohio. Oh wait, I guess it never left.

 © Huffygirl 2011

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