O Canada


Soon Americans will be celebrating our national day of Independence on July 4th.  Some celebrations will be somber and solemn, some silly, but mostly we just celebrate the independence of the American people by shooting off fireworks invented by the Chinese, drinking beer invented by the Germans, and cooking meat over charcoal briquettes, invented by Henry Ford. Meanwhile, our Canadian friends to the north, having just gotten done cleaning up Vancouver from their “celebration” are celebrating the day of what seems to be anniversary of Canadian unification, Canada Day, formerly known as Dominion Day. This is a complex holiday, so complex that despite reading the Wikipedia entry many times, I still don’t know exactly what it is that Canadians are celebrating. Perhaps many Canadians don’t understand it either, not unlike many Americans, who think July 4th is just another day off from work to drink beer. I hope my Canadian friends had a great Canada Day, and I’ll leave it to them to explain to us what Canada day is. In the meantime, in honor of Canada Day, I bring you a repost of my tribute to Canada, “Maple Leaf Money.” And, if I ever figure out how to get a video from an iPhone to my blog, I’ll post a video of my “Canadian” son and I singing our annual rendition of  O Canada. Really. Maybe someone can tell me how to do this.

Dear Canadian friends:

I’ve got your money. I want to give it back to you. Really, I do. Although your money is beautiful, with pictures of queens, reindeer, and large birds, and has charming names like Loonies and Toonies, unfortunately, it’s almost worthless here. Our vending machines don’t want it. Coin Star doesn’t want it. No one likes to get it in change, and who pays with change anyway? The bank won’t take it. And I bet you folks would like to have it back.

I would come over myself and give it back to you but I can’t because: a) even though you’re very nice about letting me come in to your country, my own country insists on strip-searching me when I return, and b) I’m afraid I’ll end up accidentally bringing back more of your money with me, thus starting the whole process over. So you can see why I can’t come. But, you could come here and get it. Americans love Canadians. After all, you gave us hockey, Michael J. Fox and Canadian bacon. As a people, you’re wonderfully polite and kind, and have quaint expressions like “queuing up” which we find charming. Your national anthem, O Canada (which, thanks to televised hockey, I almost know by heart) is melodic and rousing. In fact, this past Canada Day, July 1 BTW,  my hockey-loving son and I faced Canada and saluted you with our own robust rendition. 

But, I digress. If it’s okay with you, I’ll leave the money in a big paper bag just across the Blue Water Bridge. Come and get it whenever you’re ready. If your economy is anything like ours right now, chances are you’ll need it.  Thanks Canadian friends.

Love,

Huffygirl

PS: Since you’re coming anyway,  maybe you can bring us some of your national health care. We can’t seem to get it right here, and you’ve been doing it for years, so you’ve probably got it down now.

O Canada (sung to the tune of O Canada)

O Canada, Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command.

With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!
From far and wide,
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

(Images courtesy of Google)

 © Huffygirl 2011

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13 thoughts on “O Canada

    • Well, probably not, but he did produce it in his car factory, using wood left over from making the wood siding on the original station wagons. After all, this is a satire piece – no fact checking was involved.

    • You’re welcome. I didn’t do any fact checking, but off the top of my head I believe your country invented beer, and perhaps the Irish perfected it, or at least tinkered with it. As to what is the most popular here? I’m not an expert, but my observation tells me that beer popularity varies by geographic location, education and socioeconnomic status. My kids tell me it also depends on what you’re eating with it at the time.

  1. I have been hearing on TV recently that Canada is actually the property of England!!! I didn’t realize that. I knew the US before we gained our Independence day…yippee!
    Happy 4th everyone.

  2. Pingback: US takes advantage of Canada’s cost saving move | Huffygirl's Blog

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