Quick, Get That Laptop off your er Lap


Photo of a Dell XPS M140 Laptop.

Image via Wikipedia

By now perhaps you’ve heard of the disturbing medical problem  caused by laptops. Yes, it’s the dreaded Toasted Skin Syndrome (TSS) caused by long-term heat exposure from the warmth of the battery on the bottom of the laptop. If you haven’t heard about this, you’re probably checking your calendar and wondering how it could possibly be April 1 already, or saying to your self “That silly Huffygirl, is that the best fake medical condition name she could think of?” Unfortunately, it is indeed true, and if you don’t believe me, you can read the article for yourself in the latest issue of the journal Pediatrics. Yes folks, turns out that long-term exposure to the heat on the bottom of the laptop can damage one’s skin similar to what one might experience from long-term sun exposure or extended heating pad use. There is also evidence from a study a few years back, noting that men with prolonged laptop exposure experienced elevated temperatures in a key area of the body that could lead to decreased sperm production and, at least in theory, infertility.

So what are we supposed to do with these @#%$& skin-damaging, sperm-killing demons of technology? Put them on our laps? Not now, I say. 

What we need to do is invent a new name for the laptop, so users no longer surmise that these demons can safely be put on one’s lap. But what shall we call it? Some manufacturers call their, well you know what they are, notebooks.  Perhaps they were ahead of the curve and anticipated the complications of TSS, and wanted to avoid future litigation by implying that their product should not be placed on one’s lap. But the term notebook does not have the same ring. It calls to mind a feeling of quaint times when students carried notebooks to school. It just does not have the same technologic pizzaz.  And we certainly want to stay away from the whole pad, pod, tab etc theme. It’s been done, and frankly is not all that appealing either.

Fliptops? No, sounds like beer cans. Foldups? Awkward. Take-a-longs? Sounds like a new kind of Girl Scout cookie. Tabletops? No, we already have those, but they’re called desk tops. But the whole beauty of the laptop computer is that you can carry it around, flip it open anywhere and put it on your lap. No special equipment needed.

I’m at a loss for renaming the laptop, so  I’ll let the readers decide. Post your suggestions in comments. I’ll pick the winner. If you’re chosen, you’ll have your winning entry featured in an upcoming blog. 

Laptop users now have their own dermatological condition: toasted skin syndrome (geek.com)

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2 thoughts on “Quick, Get That Laptop off your er Lap

    • I guess it’s called a laptop because that IS indeed the best name. I guess portaputer is another option, but again brings to mind those disgusting but necessary portajohns.

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