Satire Friday: Kettlecorn


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I slink down the stairs of the church basement and slip into a folding chair near the back of the room. Others are sidling in in the same fashion: some heads bowed, coat collars pulled up around their faces. Others, the regulars I think, are more friendly. Coffee cups in hand, they work the room, greeting others loudly and with back slaps all around. After much chair sliding, feet shuffling and coughs and ahems, the meeting eventually starts. One by one, the members stand and introduce themselves. Finally, it is my turn. I stand up, hesitate, then raise my head and greet the group.”Hi, my name is Hufffygirl and I’m a kettlecornaholic.” The room choruses their return greeting (“Hi Huffygirl”) and I flop back into my chair, glad that I weathered the moment.

Okay, so they don’t really have meetings for kettlecornaholics, and I’m not technically an addict. But who does not find kettlecorn delightfully addictive and in fact, almost irresistible? It’s crunchy, salty and sweet, all at the same time, a foodies’ dream come true. Honestly, what is there to not like about it? Apparently autumn, (at least where I live) is the high holy days of kettlecorn season. It’s sold at the farmer’s market, along with the last of the celery and squash, a great fill-in now that tomatoes and cucumbers are gone.  Boy scouts and school groups sell it for fall fundraisers. Stores are already putting out bags of kettlecorn and caramel corn to entice shoppers to buy them for Christmas (yes, I refuse to say the politically correct holiday) gifts. It’s paired with cider and caramel apples at our local orchard, and sold in bags at harvest festivals and football games.  Bed, Bath and Beyond of all places sells it in a big red bag. They put it out now to get you addicted to it, and carry it until the supplies are gone after Christmas, the obvious plan being that you’ll try it, love it and buy it for fall entertaining and Christmas gifts. Although I don’t go in there often, I had to make a rule for myself, that under no circumstances, would I ever buy that kettlecorn in the red bag again. Yes, it’s that good.

If you’re a kettlecornaholic, it’s a bad time of year for you.Maybe you can find a meeting somewhere…

 © The author and Huffygirl’s Blog, 2010 to 3010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author and Huffygirl’s Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


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